Alice (Spivak)

 

Return to: The Need for a Gender-Neutral Pronoun

 

ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND

Lewis Carroll

 

CHAPTER I. Down the Rabbit-Hole

Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by eir sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice ey had peeped into the book eir sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, ‘and what is the use of a book,’ thought Alice ‘without pictures or conversation?’

So e was considering in eir own mind (as well as ey could, for the hot day made em feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by em.

There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, ‘Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!’ (when ey thought it over afterwards, it occurred to eir that ey ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to eir feet, for it flashed across eir mind that ey had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, ey ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world ey was to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping eirself before ey found eirself falling down a very deep well.

Either the well was very deep, or ey fell very slowly, for ey had plenty of time as ey went down to look about em and to wonder what was going to happen next. First, ey tried to look down and make out what ey was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then ey looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there ey saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. Ey took down a jar from one of the shelves as ey passed; it was labelled ‘ORANGE MARMALADE’, but to eir great disappointment it was empty: ey did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as ey fell past it.

‘Well!’ thought Alice to eirself, ‘after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they’ll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn’t say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!’ (Which was very likely true.)

****

‘Oh, I’ve had such a curious dream!’ said Alice, and ey told eir sister, as well as ey could remember them, all these strange Adventures of eirs that you have just been reading about; and when e had finished, eir sister kissed em, and said, ‘It WAS a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it’s getting late.’ So Alice got up and ran off, thinking while ey ran, as well ey might, what a wonderful dream it had been.

 

The rest of this text can be found in its original format at the Gutenberg Project.

 

Return to: The Need for a Gender-Neutral Pronoun

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